then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
