I cockslap morals
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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