I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
is wine microwaveable?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
