I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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