Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
