tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
