how can u be prego again
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
