some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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