You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
