I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
