does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
