She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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