So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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