yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
