why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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