Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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