i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
