Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
