When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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