So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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