I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
