How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
