are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
