Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
