he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
