i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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