my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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