my phone needs a breathalizer
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
