dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
