if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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