dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
