hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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