I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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