tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
