I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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