Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
