He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
