someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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