no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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