Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
