I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
