whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
