I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
