chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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