I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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