Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
