Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
