there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
