Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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