so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
