you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
