M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
