It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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